Saturday, June 3, 11:51pm, Army Spy texted:
“Hey there. Remember me? I’m the asshole that ghosted you. Would love to try to make up for it. Going to school in philly and just moved back to ny for the summer. Long shot but I’d love to grab a drink and catch up at some point if you’re up for it”
Every girl’s dream, right? The hottest guy you’ve ever dated, the one you felt a real connection with, the one that got away. Turns out, he’s been thinking about you these past 16 months, too! He really did like you, and really did have personal issues he had to sort through, but now he’s ready to get back in touch. You were right all along! You felt something, and so did he. And now he’s back.
Sunday, June 4, 12:59pm, I respond with a lighthearted yet suspicious Bitmoji and the following:
“As long as you’re up for a round of 20 questions”
HE DOESN’T RESPOND.
Monday, June 5, 1:09pm, I double text:
“But if your plan was to pop up and then immediately re-ghost, that’s pretty fucked up”
HE STILL HAS NOT RESPONDED. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
I can’t believe how I ever fell for his perfect-faced trickery. None of it was real. He was always a fuckboi, and was probably fucking other girls while we were seeing each other. Many friends and 3rd-party observers believe he sent that same (or similar) text to all the biddies he had previously banged, and just went with whoever responded first. Some people think he’s going to pop up again, and I really hope that’s not true. Because this, in combination with my newly mandatory sedentary lifestyle, fucked me up reeeeal good for about a week.
But I feel okay now. How was I to know that he was a devious shithead? I’m a hopeless romantic, and can be sweet talked just like anyone else. He’s evil, I’m amazing. That’s all there is to it.
Besides, I’ve got new guys on the roster to focus on:
- I’ve been on 2 dates with a guy who lives in Queens (long distance relationship). He’s 31, very smart and opinionated, and has a super cute laugh, which boosts my ego every time I make a joke. We tried the Impossible burger! I tried to split the bill*, but he ended up paying for my dinner. TBD on how much chemistry we have.
- I’ve been on 1 date with a 30-year old Bumble Virgin (meaning I’m the second person he’s met from Bumble; I really can’t say if he’s an actual virgin). Fun fact: He’s from the same town and went to high school with the older brother of my first (and now married) ex boyfriend. So far, I think I’m more interested in him of the two, but I think he just got out of a long term relationship. Jackpot. We have plans to get ice cream next weekend.