Hi there. Remember me? It’s fine if you don’t, because I actually think I might be an entirely new person.
After a paltry pandemic picnic date last September, I decided to put my love life on pause because covid dates—bereft of any potential for physical contact—felt more like job interviews than romantic encounters. Then, at the end of November, I decided to start the book Calling in The One. Despite its cringe-worthy cover, it’s actually incredible, akin to 7 weeks of free therapy. I learned A LOT about myself and why I’ve been emotionally unavailable for the past 8 years, realizing that a lot of it* stemmed from my upbringing. (Soooo nice to be able to blame my family!) Jokes aside, I uncovered and began undoing a lot of internalized beliefs, suppressed memories, and other fun demons.
*Not to mention the fact that 8 years ago is when I swept up the shattered pieces of my heart and unconsciously sealed them away so as to avoid ever again experiencing the blinding pain of being gently dumped by my first love, not because he stopped loving me, but because we were genuinely in two very different places in our lives and it simply wasn’t going to work out. But that’s a tragic tale for another time.
Supplementing Calling in The One with The Sanctuary Challenge and The Artist’s Way, I’ve come out the other side committed to:
- Always sharing my authentic self, thoughts, and feelings (Because how can I expect anyone to love me if they don’t actually know me?)
- Establishing and protecting healthy boundaries (with work, friends, family, and beyond)
- Showing myself the love and care I want to receive from others (Stay tuned to learn about my self-imposed 60-day Orgasm Challenge!)
- Consistently expressing my love and appreciation for others (This one is fun, because the more you do it, the more it comes back to you from all directions)
It’s taken a whiiiile, but I finally feel truly OTL (aka “open to love”).
However! I acknowledged that all my newfound revelations and commitments to change would remain purely theoretical unless I put them into practice, so I slowly got back into dating this year. I used Hinge to go on a handful of Zoom & IRL first dates that were objectively enjoyable, but none of us ever followed up. After this happened a few times, I began to consider the possibility that these men were merely practice tests that I was clearly passing, and the Universe didn’t want me wasting any extra time or energy on them.
But in the middle of this First Date Only epoch, I went out with someone who seemed so freakishly perfect for me, that I became 95% certain I manifested him. I could literally point him out on my vision boards (lol). We only went on two dates, but a host of synchronicities plus some very strong intuition pings convinced me that, after less than one week, this was my husband.
Initially, out of habit, I told myself “not to get my hopes up.” But aren’t hopes energy? Aren’t they the “positive vibes” we squirt out into the Universe when we’re trying to manifest something? If this is true, then I’d be a FOOL not to send those hopes as high and far out as possible for something I really want. So, I fucking let myself fall down the rabbithole of believing I was finally getting everything I’d been asking for. It felt wild, thrilling, ridiculous, and liberating. I assumed I was feeling all the things one feels when recognizing their Person.
Long story short, he didn’t turn out to be my husband. I told him I’d like a 3rd date, and he told me he “didn’t think we were the most compatible.” But miraculously, I did not die! I’d been vulnerable, I got rejected, and yet my kintsugi heart remained resilient and whole. I wasn’t even that upset. Mostly, I was confused, feeling led astray by my extra-strength Scorpio intuition. But maybe I had simply read those intense gut feelings incorrectly. Maybe he’d been a new type of test; one that challenged me to shoot my shot when presented with someone too good to miss out on. If so, I appreciate the practice.
Looking back, our senses of humor didn’t line up as well as they could have. And during the last lesson of Calling in The One, that’s one of the qualities that I identified as non-negotiable.
The essential qualities I’m looking for in a Life Partner:
- Smart & curious
- Honest / communicative
- Active / healthy
I still reeeeeeeally want someone who loves to cook, but I’m willing to sacrifice the thing I talk about most if it means I can share my life with someone who meets all 6 of these completely-reasonable criteria.
Know anyone like this?? Send them my way!
It’ll give you something to do as you wait for Part 2…