#106

First of all, I want to thank everyone who shared their two cents regarding Email #104. I feel rich in perspective, if not in pennies. The consensus was that it’s normal to not feel crazy chemistry or partner pings on the first few dates. You all voted for a slow burn vs. immediate sparks, and reminded me that the only question I should be asking myself after a date is, “Do I want to see this person again?” It warms my heart with reassurance to know that many of you initially felt meh about the love of your life. 

Update on CWFFF:

We chatted on the phone in late October to get on the same page. It was a good convo and we talked about hanging out again. However, our November availability never lined up and I’m out of town for all of December. We haven’t texted in a few weeks (but he’s also not much of a texter, which I don’t mind) so I’m unsure if it’s officially fizzled or he just knows I’m not around. There have been a few moments where I’ve been tempted to reach out, but I don’t know if that’s because I want to talk to HIM or if I just want some attention. TBD for the foreseeable future.

Update on Fellow Solo Diner:

We met up the following weekend for food and drinks (I got a virgin Hot Toddy, aka a Hot Fraudy). He was cuter than I remembered (phew!), but despite talking for ~3 hours, I was confused if we were hanging out romantically or platonically. He was recovering from a hangover, but it also seemed like he wasn’t that interested. He suggested we hang out again as we walked to the subway, but, to my severe disappointment, there was no kiss. (I’m basically a born again virgin at this point.) We made plans over text to do something the following Sunday, but I could tell something was off. On Saturday, he texted to say he wanted to cancel because “I kinda have been feeling like I need a break from dating to focus on other things going on in my life right now, and feel I shouldn’t get like too involved with someone else.” I told him I was getting that vibe and wished him the best. I was mildly disappointed, but mostly because the chance to lock lips with a human man had eluded me yet again. Due to both of our current circumstances, I knew there wasn’t long-term potential with him, but had decided he could be a fun fling. While I suspect the Universe doesn’t want me taking slutty detours along my treacherous Husband Quest, I still intend to try at my friend’s wedding this New Year’s Eve. 

Another barely-worth-mentioning update:

Months of isolated misery got the best of me and I had a FaceTime date with a Hinge man from my childhood bedroom (at least my mom wasn’t home). He’s really smart and we had fun, but I haven’t heard from him in over a week so methinks that’s that. Plus, I think I need to consider it a Red Flag of Incompatibility that he doesn’t believe we have souls; it leads me to believe he would scoff at my various spiritual interests.

Speaking of soulful insights:

I’ve been so concerned with making sure to present the “real me” to potential suitors, that I’m starting to question who/what that even is. Maybe my authentic self is really just a messy mish mash of contradictions; and instead of trying to dig down deep enough to uncover the most genuine nuggets of who I am, I need to just dump the whole box onto the table and let these guys sort through the clutter until one decides he’ll take the whole lot.

Happy Solstice and, I guess, cheers to the emotional rummage sale I’ll be hosting in 2022. I encourage you to invite any and all qualified shoppers.

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