I got dinner with M2tch for the 6th and final time on Tuesday. This morning I told him I should not go to the Yankees game he invited me to next week (even though I obviously want to go) because I’m not feeling the feelings I think I should be feeling, and I don’t want to lead him on or waste his time. He responded with “Ok,” and that was that.

And with what we know about M1tch, I think it’s safe to say Mitch Madness is officially over, with no one taking home the championship trophy.

#26 Mitch vs. Mitch

Date #5 with Mitch #2 was the usual amount of laid back fun. We briefly made out a couple of times, so at least we’re seeing progress. I always have fun when we hang out, but I don’t know that I’m actively excited to go out of my way to see him. Also, he’s really into booking up my schedule. After asking to hang out this weekend, I told him I’m busy (the truth), so he told me to let him know when I want to hang next. But I’ll bet anything he texts me first.

Mitch #2 is really nice and easygoing and very low pressure, but I’m just not sure what I feel. Maybe I feel nothing? In the past, I’ve swiftly developed strong feelings for people and it doesn’t pan out (read: Army Spy), so I’m not sure if this current apathy is good or bad. I can no longer trust my instincts.

Date #2 with Mitch #1 was also fun, but I think that’s due to the fact that he’s an extremely bubbly, fun person. We had a pretty cute kiss right before I caught my train (I could physically see the awkwardness and hesitation in his eyes—it was AMAZING), and he said he’d text me soon. However, he’s busy for the next three weekends, and doesn’t seem to hang out on weeknights. So, he doesn’t seem to have much potential, even though I’m pretty intrigued.

Overall, I’d say that I’ve kissed each Mitch up to the same level.

Slightly unrelated: Both Mitches have brought up the “how many people have you met online?” topic (they’re both fairly new to the scene), and I can only ever answer with: “Well, after over 2 years of online dating, people start to accumulate…” Trying my best not to come off as a digital hoho.


Last Wednesday (the 15th) I went on date #3 with Mitch #2. I admitted how uncomfortably stoned I was the last time and he was really nice about it. We got dinner and beers (apparently he’s really into wining and dining me) and then went to his apartment to smoke a TINY bit of weed and drink some wine. We were hanging in his room, and we only barely kissed.

THEN, we also hung out on Sunday for a spontaneous afternoon hike an hour’s drive away. We hiked to the top of Anthony’s Nose, smoked a tiny bit, did NOT kiss, and then hiked back down and drove back to Brooklyn to eat dinner. We kissed goodbye after dinner, but still—after 4 dates!—HAVE NOT MADE OUT. I’m not complaining, but I am confused.

My hypothesis: Until this past November, he’d been locked away in a 4-year relationship. The last time he dated was pre-Tinder and pre-ghosting, so maybe he’s just “old fashioned.” Or he has a micro penis, or he’s gay, or he’s just a nice, shy guy and I’m overthinking it.

We’re supposed to watch The Wire and eat takeout tomorrow at his place, so we’ll see if anything happens on Date #5. In general, I’m still not sure how I feel about him.

In other Mitch news…

I, of course, got drunk last Friday and texted M1tchesota after about two weeks of silence (he’s not a chatty texter, and I kind of appreciate it). After some banter, we both agreed it was his job to make the next move. He texted me today to make plans for Thursday, and it looks like it will involve watching basketball. Should be a fun challenge to see if I can win his attention!


Abercrombie & Mitch (#2) asked me to hang out two days later on Wednesday. First, we met at his apartment and smoked on his roof. (Note to self: please stop smoking on dates.) Then we walked to Berry Park and had drinks and food. I was terribly high the whole time and was so uncomfortable. So, I don’t actually know if the date was unenjoyable and that I don’t like him, or if we were both too high to function. He asked me to maybe hang out again today (Sunday) but I just woke up and really want to do nothing. Besides, that would be 3 dates in one week. He can wait.

Mitchesota (M1tch) and I were supposed to hang out on Thursday before he’s unavailable for 2 weeks, but he texted me that night and cancelled because of last minute work stuff. I’m hoping he’ll reach out when he’s free again, because of course he’s the Mitch I actually want to see.

#23 Chapter Mitch

I went out with Mitch #1 (aka Mitchesota) on Friday night. I was very pleasantly surprised at how tall, cute, and outgoing he was. He’s a bit nerdy and a bit awkward, but it’s all for the best. We didn’t kiss, but he texted me right after to basically tell me that we should have kissed. We have tentative plans to go out again Thursday.

I went out with Mitch #2 (Abercrombie & Mitch) just now. He invited me to dinner at Roberta’s, which— despite usually avoiding first date dinners at all costs—I happily accepted, because pizza. It was a very nice feast in very nice company. He comes off like a bro, but I think he’s secretly a hippie deep down—which is ideal. (We talked about Phish and candle making.) He said he’ll reach out later this week. Extremely brief kiss when he dropped me off in his CAR!

Fun fact: Both Mitches are the middle child of three boys! Wtf! I definitely thought that was a last-resort name!

P.S. Working on secretly seducing Client Boy. Slow and steady wins the race.