Remember Degrassi Dude? Apparently he moved to Park Slope, because I had my walker shift at the Food Coop last month and HAD TO WALK HIM AND HIS GROCERIES TO HIS APARTMENT. I didn’t recognize him until I was too close to hide/make him wait for another walker, but I greeted him with a “Hey!” that I assumed communicated, “I recognize you, but let’s not make this weird.” However, I’m not sure if he recognized me (??? Is this even possible? I guess I was wearing a hat…) because he tried to make small talk, which I quickly shut down with a “Fine” and proceeded to walk 3 steps behind him for our mandated 10-minute stroll. It was from that vantage point that I noticed his bald spot had increased. :-/

Entirely unrelated, I have since switched my coop shift to another team, day, and time. :)

Otherwise, I’m still dating Sauce Man!


Never spoke to or saw Degrassi Dude again; we basically both ghosted each other. Remember, ghosting is only okay when it’s consensual. #consensualghosting

Since then, I’ve had TWO IRL experiences. The first guy I met at a bar while out with my friends last weekend. Pretty sure we only talked because I was one of the last two standing, but he gave me his number and told me to text him. We texted that night, and then a tiny bit more over the next 3 days. FYI, he is patient zero of my using read receipts. He also may have a girlfriend, according to my friend who was talking to his friend that night. I asked him about it while we were still at the bar, and he said nope, he hasn’t had a girlfriend since May 2016. Why the specificity? I don’t know. But I think it means he was lying, because he actively ignored me when I asked if we should get together next week. OH WELL AT LEAST I KNOW NOW AND KNOWLEDGE IS POWER.

The same day I was ignored, I got set up with my friend’s coworker. It was basically a blind date, aside from me seeing a few photos of him, being assured he was cool and normal, and texting two and a half screenshots worth of conversation with him. I met up with him after having two glasses of wine with my coworkers, but I was still totally charming. We ended up kissing twice and then he texted me afterward telling me he had a good time. BUT THEN I FIND OUT from our matchmaker that she heard that he has been on twenty (20) dates with some other girl, and didn’t tell her about it. Not cool betraying the matchmaker like that. Sidebar with 20-date girl: Have you somehow not yet brought up The Conversation after TWENTY dates with the guy? Or have you, and he is just a very gross player dressed up as a harmless nerd?

Either way, these two dudes are probably semi-seeing girls that could very well believe they are their boyfriends, and these post-diarrhea-buttholes are out kissing and giving their number to beautiful, funny, stranger girl geniuses. Is there anyone we can trust?

As for read receipts, I’m into them. I appreciate that it shows guys that I saw their dumb little message, but have no intention of responding. Also, if you feel you are getting too much emotional value from seeing a text from a certain person pop up, I suggest you Hide Alerts for their messages. It really calms the mind.

#65 Garol got laid

I slept over at Degrassi Dude’s after we separately went out for Halloween on Saturday. He was dressed as a teenager, and I was dressed as an old woman—a modern day Harold & Maude, if you will. We had fun, but I think this will be a physical relationship if it does continue. We’re not flirty or cute with each other, and he mostly just makes fun of everything I say or do. But beggars can’t be choosers, and I’m keeping my options open.


I hung out with Degrassi Dude on Saturday and I’ve been too lazy to tell you about it. We spontaneously met up for drinks in the afternoon and then hung out for a bit at his apartment before I had to go to a play. It was by far the fastest anyone has ever made a move on me after entering their home. I guess I’m just so naive and innocent, actually thinking we were there to drink beer! We made out a bunch.

He’s busy with travel for the next couple of weeks, so, shrug. I’m more concerned with the fact that I’m pretty sure my husband lives in Colorado.


I had a highly enjoyable date last night with a very funny guy at a wonderful bar in our neighborhood. We drank beer, shared cheese and a baguette, and got bit by mosquitoes in the backyard. But most importantly, we bonded over a shared adolescent love of Degrassi: The Next Generation. We had a fairly awkward kiss at the end, but I would definitely see him again. Hopefully he feels the same way, even though my hair was pretty greasy and I fear I had B.O. #mypersonalitysmellsgreat

2017 is steadily becoming the Year of the Jew, and this barely-there halfie appreciates the positive influence.

*Unrelated wild story*

On my walk home from the date, I got absorbed into a giant group of orthodox Jewish men. I was walking among approximately 100 of them for the last block of my journey. As we approached my street, who was standing with his bike filming us on his phone as we walked toward his astonished face? The star/creator of High Maintenance. I gave him a “can you believe this??” look as I passed, and went home. I then found his Instagram and messaged him saying that I was the girl in the mob of Jews and that I was glad he videotaped it because I was too self-conscious to do so. He responded the next day with “so crazy” and requested to follow me. Naturally, I accepted.