I ended up seeing Literal Blind Date on Thursday and Sunday. On Thursday, I pregamed our dinner date with my friend who was also going on a date and we accidentally had 3.5 beers each, so I was drunk upon arrival. Oops! But I think I played it cool. On Sunday, we met at a bar in Brooklyn for a 5pm meal and a rousing game of Scrabble, which I won. He’s going to Iceland with his mom on Wednesday (aw) and returns the day I fly home for Xmas, so we planned to reconvene in 2019. Famous last words? It sure as fuck wouldn’t be the first time. But our relaxed momentum is a welcome change of pace, and I have plenty of other things to fret over.

In other news, I think Mr. Red Socks was also not feeling the vibes, and I thankfully haven’t heard from him since.


I went on a second date with Mr. Red Socks on Wednesday. We got tacos and went to a mezcal speakeasy, and he told me he voted for Mitt Romney (he “experimented” in college by trying out Republicanism). In the words of a wise friend: “Red socks, red scarf, red values, red flag.” Politics aside, it was a pleasant date, but I don’t think I’m feeling much of a spark. I think that’s partly due to the fact that…

On Tuesday, I had a very fun first date. Before meeting, our Hinge convo revolved around S Club 7, The Spice Girls, and Beanie Babies—already off to a very compatible start. I was running a few minutes behind and he waited outside the bar for me, which was oddly nice because it’s winter. The bar ended up being too crowded so we walked to another place down the block. The hostess of this dimly lit wine bar pointed us to a table in the back, and he seemed confused. That’s when he told me that he had gone to the eye doctor earlier in the day, and he still couldn’t fully see. I joked that he was on a literal blind date, and then realized I was now in charge of reading the menu for us. Our 4-hour date ended with a walk to the subway station and a brief, surprisingly good makeout. No idea if he actually knows what I look like, but we are going out again this Tuesday. TBD if he’ll get an invite to my company’s holiday party on Friday.


I went approximately 6 months without going on a first date, which I believe is my longest streak since Tinder Tom popped my app cherry 5 years ago.

Last Monday, I went out with a Hinge guy (who knows the boyfriend of my coworker) on what I think might have been my most grownup date ever. I trekked all the way up to the UWS (I’m so nice!), where we got dinner and negronis at a lil Italian place, and then saw a jazz show even further uptown. I ordered an old fashioned and then a manhattan and was feeling fancy af. He walked me to the subway and we shared a delicate kiss goodbye. He seems nice and smart and funny, and he says he only wears red socks—quirky! He’s in China for two weeks, but maybe he’ll ask me out when he’s back.

I’m in no rush, and in the meantime am trying to figure out how to successfully slide into the DM of a very funny, very minor Instagram celebrity. Tips welcome!!!

P.S. Despite Venus Retrograde, I haven’t heard from Diet Coke Dealer, which I think is for the best.

P.P.S. How do you know if a couple you met at a dinner party is hitting on you for a possible threesome, or just genuinely wants to be friends? And if it’s the former, how do I successfully friendzone them?