I’ve been on two more dates with the Jewish guy (I really wanted a better name for him, but here we are. He’s not even religious!). After our first date and near-constant texting for a week, I was very excited about him—to the point that I even felt a little guilty for my afternoon delight last week. He’s super cute, and SO sweet, but I’m starting to realize that we’re probably not compatible on a deeper level. He’s also very touchy-feely and constantly wants to hold my eczema-laden hand, which I find gross and also annoying—please don’t exacerbate it! We’ve been talking a bunch, which I think will make it even harder to break things off with him when I inevitably do.

So… everyone keeps asking, and the answer is, “no, I highly doubt I’ll ever hear from Anesthesiologist again.” I thought we were all on the same page with that.

Oh, but you know who I DID hear from tonight, after 3 weeks of silence? NAVY GUY. Classic move. As you’ll recall, he was a super asshole and got mad at me for getting mad at him. I ended up being the last to respond, saying, “Ya I was drunk. Over it.” I assumed he hated me as much as I hated him, and would never hear from him again.

But then he pulls this shit:

“Hey – just wanted to say sorry for being flaky when we were hanging out :( hope there are no hard feelings

I moved to bedstuy so hit me up for a drink or coffee sometime :)”

So… no apology for overreacting and being the meanest freak ever? Ok, cool. So I just said:

“No hard feelings but I don’t see us hanging out again”

To which he boringly responded:

“All good :) just wanted to reach out and say that”

  1. I bet he thinks he has repented for his sins, been forgiven for all transgressions, and can now sleep peacefully through the night. WRONG. I still think he’s a douchebag.
  2. I think he only reached out because he now lives in my neighborhood and wanted to make sure it wouldn’t be weird if we ever ran into each other. How I dread that day.
  3. Was he asking to hang out as friends? Because that is even more hilarious than him asking to go on a date again.


P.S. I got a refund on those miserable condoms! But they are definitely not publishing my scathing 1-star review on their site. :(

#57 Sigh.

I decided to be upfront and preempt a third date request (and therefore my rejection of it) from Beer&Cheese Guy by going out of my way to tell him I wasn’t feeling it. I didn’t want him to go through the trouble of asking me out again just to have me say no, so I’m hoping my out-of-the-blue ending was the more humane route. He said he was lost for words but that it was great meeting me as well. That nearly made me cry. But I had to set him free.

Why is it that the “spark” only occurs with the bad-for-me ones? Obviously it’s not enough for a guy to be just nice, but I think I need to start prioritizing niceness and positivity a bit more than I have been. I also think I need to start paying more attention to red flags, and stop sweeping them under the rug (like how Navy Guy would casually throw around words like “re-re,” “tranny,” and “cunt” without a second thought). Shame on me.

I feel mildly tarnished from the textual abuse that Navy Guy spewed at me, and I clearly need to get my values straightened out, so I think I need a break from it all. Too bad I already agreed to a first date on Sunday!


I went silent for a bit because I thought something special was going on with Navy Guy and I didn’t want to betray his trust by spewing it all over the internet. WHAT A LAUGH, HERE I GO!

I’m still not sure what happened with Navy Guy’s phone, I think my text just actually didn’t go through. Anyhoo, we kept talking, but because we didn’t see each other that often (his weekly commute to Albany, us both going out of town different weekends) and because texting can lead to a lot of miscommunication, I suggested we not text as much, and we ended up having a few phone chats, which were very fun and refreshing.

Two weeks after ice cream and pierogies, we got dinner on a Saturday night. I was giddy and freaking out because I thought I really liked him, and I was so excited for a date that might last longer than 2 hours. I sneakily paid for our dinner, which he said was surprising and impressive, AND THEN he tells me he has to leave to go to a concert with his roommate……………………… I was super confused and caught off guard, but he said we should do something the next day. Fine. We had a brief goodnight kiss, and I luckily managed to meet up with some friends that night because I looked way too cute to go home. So then he starts texting me while we’re out, thanking me again for dinner and saying that if I’m still out at 3am that I should come over for a sleepover—just sleep, no sex. I believe his intentions but tell him 3am is too late for me and that I’ll see him tomorrow. He thinks I think he’s trying to get me over for sex, and assures me that he just wants to sleep and cuddle and alludes to it being too soon for us to have sex. I think this is cute and sweet and shows he has interest in me, but still, 3am is too late. He says that my rejection hurts his pride but is impressive nonetheless. I go to bed feeling great. I wake up the next morning to a 6am text from him saying that if he’s alive, we should get brunch at 2pm. I respond sure, and then he responds that nope, he’s way too hungover and might die and we can’t do brunch. In case you’re keeping score, that’s 2 flakes in one weekend. Then he goes on about how if I had slept over, he wouldn’t have partied until 6am and he wouldn’t be so deathly hungover. Give me a damn break, you are 30 years old. Then he tells me he has an out-of-town wedding the next weekend and we won’t see each other for ANOTHER 2 weeks. Sad.

During the next week, I am crushing HARD, hoping his name will pop up on my phone and more or less counting the days until I could see him again. It was pretty disgusting. I even felt guilty when I agreed to go on a first date with someone else (He lives in Astoria and I ventured up there to get beer and cheese with him). But Navy Guy and I texted a fair amount, he told me about how there was a girl at the wedding that he once made out with (tmi), and we ended up having our second hour-long phone call. During this call, he jabbered on about himself, his family, his coworkers, and asked me zero questions about myself—a recurring theme I kept noticing. This call left a bad taste in my mouth and for the next week I felt no desire to text him. I was back on top.

Then Navy Guy asked me to dinner this Saturday. I told him I already had scattered plans, including a second date with Beer&Cheese Guy (left out that detail tho) and going out that night with my friend, but that I could pull a [his name] and meet him for dinner (right after my drinks date hehe), dip out, and then invite him over for a sleepover. He did not pick up on my criticism and agreed to it. We got dinner at a really nice place, and he paid. He asked what time I’d come over for our sleepover, and I told him maybe 1:30 or 2. He said ok, and to call him to make sure he was up in case he falls asleep. He went to meet his other friend for a drink. I met my friend at 11, but the music wasn’t great at our bar so I called him at 1 to make sure I could still come over (he had texted me around 12 saying he was falling asleep….). 4 calls, 0 answer. For whatever reason, this was the straw that broke the camel’s back and I got MAD.

So I texted him:

“I’m actually pretty pissed. Your convenience trumps anything that I’m doing and I can’t keep getting flaked on like this. You don’t give a fuck about seeing me or getting to know me.”

Pretty rude. And probably pretty surprising from his perspective, but it had reached a boiling point within me and he’s always preaching about how he doesn’t like when people hold back.

However, I don’t think it justified his 6am response:

“Hmm not the texts I expected to wake to. Yea, don’t care about seeing you or getting to know you after spending $150 on dinner, makes perfect sense.

Sorry I’m a deep sleeper with a lot of missed calls all the time but get the fuck over it.”



Hoping and praying I’ve finally learned my lesson with these military sociopaths.

P.S. Beer&Cheese Guy is really cute and nice (and drives a Mustang convertible LOL), but there is no spark and we don’t have much to talk about.

Currently soothing my emotional wounds with the healing power of the sweet, beautiful boys of Friday Night Lights.



Last week, I got dinner with Queens Guy. It was almost like living in any other normal city because he picked me up and dropped me off in a Car2Go! He refused to let me split the bill, but at least I tried. It was enjoyable, but I don’t feel a spark, so I don’t think I should go out with him again. Our texting seems to already be fizzling, so maybe he feels the nothing too; but I’ll of course say something if I have to.

On Sunday, I got ice cream and pierogies (weird fuckin’ coma-inducing combo) with Navy Guy (formerly known as Bumble Virgin). We’ve only had two very brief day dates, so there’s been ZERO kissing, just half hugs… We’ve been texting a fair amount, and of course I’m smitten because I apparently can’t resist a man in uniform (what a cliche I am! I repulse myself!). However, I can’t gauge his interest in me, and I’m currently in limbo because the last text I sent him yesterday morning still hasn’t been” delivered”… My guess—due to detective work on Bumble and my own run-amok imagination—is that he got mugged at Penn Station on his way to Albany for the week, resulting in his phone lying dead on a subway track. I plan on texting him a breezy, holiday-related text on Friday to make sure he also didn’t die.

Mostly unrelated note to self: It’s great that you’ve stopped smoking with guys, but for the love of god please also stop texting with them while high. It’s just as bad.