#50

Silly me! I forgot to share the anecdote of my Thursday date:

Our date was at 9 and instead of eating dinner, I had three beers with my coworkers. I ate a slice of pizza as I walked to the bar, but that didn’t help much. The guy was short and bubbly. We had a very pleasant conversation. Not sure if he noticed how drunk I was. He told me about how his friend has been writing a sitcom based on his friends (“like Seinfeld!”), and that it was being made, and he (my date) is playing the character based on himself. He asked if I wanted to see the script, and I said yes. He emailed me three episodes, and then we continued on our date. At the end, outside, he asked if he could kissed me. I paused for a verrrry long time and then said okay. It was bad. I left. The next day, I read all three scripts and oh my god are they terrible. Sexist, Racist, Homophobic, oh my! THEY’RE SO BAD. He says they’re being filmed, but I can’t imagine there’s any way they’ll ever see the light of television. He hasn’t reached out, and I doubt he will, but if he does, I’ve got some comments. There were typos, too!

#37

From August 30th to September 22nd, Mercury was retrograde. During that time, it just so happens that I had three separate instances of transitioning-to-text-to-set-up-first-date that all went eerily silent, never to be heard from again. I can only assume Mercury was taking well-aimed dumps on all these doomed conversations. Coincidence? Can’t be.

One set of plans managed to survive (because we safely stayed within the conversation realms of the Bumble app; and because he actually seemed intelligent, I checked in), and I met him yesterday afternoon. It was brief, good, and a wee bit awkward, but I think we were both just nervous in the broad light of day. In the words of myself: We. Shall. See.

In other Mercury Retrograde news, a blast from my virginal college past has recently moved not just to New York, but my neighborhood. Some of you might know the story of how I boldly Gchatted my way into a Valentine’s Day date with my older, perfect-jawed, painfully witty newspaper editor. For those of you who don’t, it’s quite possibly my best story ever, and thankfully preserved in a saved Gchat. After reconnecting, I’ve learned that he just broke up with someone AND he’s become a vegan. So, I think it’s safe to say we’re in a fully platonic place 6 years later, but he also flaked on me last week so it would be easy to mistake him for a potential something.

#30

I went on a pretty boring first date tonight. He was nice, but quite quiet and awkward, and it was thankfully over after exactly 1 hour.

But it got me thinking. Nearly every guy I go out with seems to be single for a reason, and I’m starting to wonder if I have a terribly obvious reason as well. Am I painfully awkward (which I suspect I partially am due to numerous reviews I’ve received in life)? Is it SO OBVIOUS why I’m still on these miserable dating apps? Would any of you tell me if any of this were true??

I’m pretty confident that I’m pretty great, but there’s also a chance I’m arrogantly deluded. Then again, I haven’t had much energy to care either way lately — and I’m kinda hoping that’s an undiscovered success strategy.

TTYL, much.