Last night I went on a late, somewhat brief, but really good Bumble date (11:40pm -1:40am). We first started talking last week and I had been annoyed with his abrupt ending of conversations, but I’m starting to think that’s just how he texts. I’m going to chalk it up to his being in the Army and maybe not having had the opportunity to develop a girl-texting repertoire. That’s right, he’s in the Army but actually seems very nice and normal and funny. We got a drink while I adorably bombarded him with army questions, and then we went to his apartment around the corner to smoke and watch the Master of None pilot (your tax dollars are getting this guy—and me—high!). I left promptly to preserve my coy mystery, but not before sharing a very good goodnight kiss (technically twice).

Things of note:

  • When we were leaving the bar and when I was leaving his apartment, he held out/helped me get into my coat. I have NEVER experienced that before. Makes Party Gent look like a mannerless neanderthal.
  • He is equally as obsessed with Burt’s Bees chapstick as I am, and also has to have it on him at all times!
  • He’s a Yankees fan and I’m a Red Sox fan, so there’s a chance this could end up being a forbidden love story.

He texted me a few minutes after I left to say that he had a “great time” and to let him know when I got home. I did, but in true Army Spy fashion (a friend and I came up with that name out of frustration and suspicion earlier this week, but I’m sticking with it because it makes him sound cool) he chose not to respond. I guess I’ll just wait to see when I hear from him next!


As a newly matured, 25-year-old woman, these are my updates:

  1. I’m going to Party Gent’s parents’ house for Thanksgiving. Before you FREAKTHEFUCKOUT, it’s just as friends AND two other guy friends are going, too. However, he did offer me birthday sex, so I’m pretty happy I was out of town—and I hope he never brings it up again.
  2. I saw The Comedian for the first time in quite some time last week. So that’s another reason/reminder why I don’t want to sleep with the less-than-spectacular Party Gent again.
  3. Baseball Boy says he’ll be in town the first week of December. Third date??? Mixed feelings because now he becomes real again. And I still don’t know when exactly he’s moving back for good.
  4. In general, I’m feeling pretty burnt out by all these gosh dang dating apps (as I assume most of my peers are), soooo there’s that. Still truckin’ though!


After much deliberation, I ended it with Party Gent. I’ve never been the one to break it off with someone before, so I was pretty nervous. It ended up being fine and we were actually on the same page (that we were basically friends with benefits), so it was very drama-free. He really wants to stay friends, and I’m in no position to turn down friends, so that’s fine I guess. Although he did say that he wouldn’t mind if “anything was to happen,” but that it’s “good to acknowledge we aren’t going anywhere.” (No shit you wouldn’t mind. I’m cute!) I don’t really intend to sleep with him again, let alone just hang out for funsies (because remember, we have very little in common), but I guess we’ll see what becomes. I’m much more comfortable flaking on a “friend” than ghosting a “we still haven’t come up with a word for this… in Argentina it’s amigovio, which is a hybrid of amigo(friend) and novio(boyfriend) and basically means someone you are not-yet-seriously dating (read: casually boning), so let’s just use that term for the time being.”

Other than that, I’ve been off my app game. I need to come up with new opening lines for Bumble. Feel free to share suggestions or set me up with your funny/cute, but not too cute/smart/adventurous straight guy friends please.


Still hanging out with Party Gent, but still feeling the same mediocre feelings. We probably hang out about once a week. There are many qualities about him that do not thrill me, but the overall experience is pleasant. I’m a little unsure of what I should do… I am 90% sure this isn’t going anywhere and won’t go anywhere due to my reservations, but does that mean I should cut it off right now? Part of me feels bad “leading him on,” though I can’t even be sure that’s what I’m doing because I really don’t know how he feels. He could care less for all I know. (He could also be in love with me for all I know, I guess.) The other part of me says, “Have fun! Who cares?” Another part of me wonders if I’m “wasting my time,” but I’m also not trying to get married tomorrow, so I dunno? Everything feels very hazy, but I’m assuming things will come into focus and/or end when things start to feel more serious than a weekly hang. Maybe he’ll suggest we “talk”? Whoooo knooooows. I do have to say, though, that the sex was better with The Comedian. Oh well, better than nothing! :-/

And, obviously, Balloon Boy was a one-hit-wonder.


My Balloon Boy date was very pleasant (we ate delicious gourmet cheesesteaks), but I’m not sure there was a connection—he’s kind of quiet. At one point, I thought I spotted Larry David, but he assured me that I was incorrect.

Still talking to Party Gent, but unsure of when we’ll meet up next (due to scheduling, not disinterest).


Literally just got home from my third Party Gent date. We got dinner, rode the vespa, drank with his roommates… and then I walked home this morning.

Balloon Boy texted earlier this week and asked me out, for DINNER. And I actually said yes, so that’s supposed to happen on Tuesday. (Btw, the balloon is still afloat!! It’s been a full week!)

And, Baseball Boy and I are still in contact.


Yesterday, I had an 11-hour date with Party Gent, and we did what you think we did. I also rode the Vespa for approximately 8 minutes, and he cooked me scallops because I had never had them before. (Both my parents are allergic, so there was a high chance things could have turned ugly.) It was fun, but I wonder if we actually have anything in common. I’m content at the moment, but am also wary.

On Friday night, I met a boy at a roof party in Crown Heights. He works with one of my friends. At some point, the two of us were off to the side of the party, sipping from bottles and taunting one another. He helped me cut a balloon free so that I could wear it on my wrist. (We cut it too short and it was awkwardly at face level hitting us in the heads, but I think it was endearing. It’s currently tied around my bedpost. It’s mylar so it has good longevity.) His phone was dead, and I didn’t have any business cards, so when I had to leave he gave me his number and I texted him a detailed description of who I was so that he’d remember, just in case. I also may have included the poop emoji. I haven’t received any response YET, and I have no way of knowing if the text actually went through because it was green/non-iMessage. So, we shall see?


I went on a Hinge date last night with a guy who was a few years older at Michigan. We’re gonna call him Party Gent, because he made it very clear he likes to rage and abuse substances but was sweet and walked me all the way home (he even stayed street-side of me which was cute and always appreciated in case a car decides to run off the road at us, killing him first #morbidromance). We made out and have plans to watch the game together on Saturday (during the day, in public, relax). Also, he has a Vespa.

I was originally supposed to have a date with a Coffee Meets Bagel bagel tonight, but he never followed up and I was thrilled to make granola and guacamole instead.

I did not meet any lifeguards in San Diego. BUT I did watch a beautiful bronze god play soccer volleyball, and my male cousin gave him my business card.