I went on an unremarkable date two weeks ago. He was bald and had unsightly teeth, but was nice to talk to.

Last week, I saw a very funny play with Piano Man. I was pretty unsure if it was a date the entire time, but nonetheless we had a delightful time together, and briefly kissed at the end. However, he’s going to Arkansas for 8 weeks, so I doubt I’ll ever see him again.

Last Saturday, I had a nice time with an interesting enough guy on a rooftop bar and then at a barbecue restaurant (with my new plants in tow). I would see him again, but I’m dubious about there being a spark.

Tonight, I just got back from a date with a guy who pleasantly surprised me with how smart he is. I get the vibe that he’s not that interested though; and I don’t blame him because I was wearing baggy pants and my hair was Hermione-level poofy (book not movie, obviously).

Slim pickins, y’all!



I went on two more dates with the Piano Man from Arkansas. But before that, my friend who is also from Arkansas demanded to know everything about this guy, claiming that everyone in Arkansas knows each other. I shouldn’t have doubted her, because she does know him: he was in plays with her best friend in high school.

Anywho, on our second date, we drank a lot of beer and played skee ball before getting dinner and a margarita (school night). On our third date, we went to a party hosted by our mutual connection (not a school night). Afterwards, I agreed to go all the way to Queens, because he said there was a really weird bar there with Beanie Babies. It turns out they were just regular stuffed animals, not Beanie Babies, and I purposefully ordered the grossest drink on the menu (something with ginger and olives). Then, we went to his apartment, and he fell asleep while we were hooking up (post-clothing, pre-sex). So, I got a car home at 2:30am because I’ve decided I really don’t like when guys fall asleep on me, figuratively or literally. Plus, I had brunch plans later that day and Queens is FAR. We talked a bit at the end of that weekend, but it didn’t seem like we were really going to hang out again. But a few days later, I got invited to a new nerdy-comedy play being put on by the (actually very talented) nerdy-comedy musical theatre group I used to geek out over and also work for in my past life. I had already discovered that Piano Man knew about and appreciated this semi-under-the-radar group, so I decided to invite him (also because I knew no one else would ever go with me). The show is a whopping 3 weeks away, so tbd if we hang out again before then.

At this time, there are no other leads. There’s a very cute guy at work, but the jury is still out on his orientation.

#73 IUD-Day

I write this in bed, 3 hours after getting my IUD, just as my chocolate covered coffee bean begins to take effect.

To the people with female reproductive organs in the crowd who don’t already know this: it fucking hurts to get an IUD inserted. The worst of it is over pretty quick, but not as quick as you’d like. It was a new, shocking experience of nerve endings. And it’s kind of creepy to know that it’s because a choking-hazard size piece of plastic just took up residence in your uterus. But the moderate cramping that continues for the rest of the day will ensure you keep that bizarre reality top of mind. I can only say: I better have a LOT of (hopefully, good to great) sex over the next five years.



So far, I still have not run into Waffle at work yet. (Oh, did I mention the makeout boy from the dance floor is from Belgium? Hence…) But remember, we have each other’s number; we’re just equally not contacting them.

On Friday, I got drinks and dinner (but mostly drinks) with some friends before going to a bourbon tasting at a wine shop/liquor store. One of the assistants/pourers/but-like-still-part-of-the-drinking-and-discussing was pretty cute, but definitely young (though clearly old enough to drink, which is all that really matters). My friends drunkenly egged me on to talk to him at the end, and so I did. While I asked questions about alcohol, the other assistant/pourer/etc. joined in the conversation, and we all ended up talking about HQ Trivia. Kind of odd, but it gave me the opportunity to get their numbers (PLURAL even though I only really wanted one, but still a fun achievement) by inviting them to download/play (but mostly so I could get some extra lives). So yes, I have recently swapped numbers with two new male strangers. Am I going to do anything about that? Probably not.

Because I already had two first dates on the books:

On Saturday, I met a Hinge guy at the Brooklyn Museum for a 2pm date. Definitely not my preference, but at least it forced me to get some culture in. It was under two hours, and I knew it was a ‘no’ from minute 1.

On Monday, I met another Hinge guy at a bar, thank god, and it was pretty much lots of laughing from the very beginning. He’s a pianist from Arkansas, and we had first matched talking about……wait for it……recycling, of course! It was great fun and when we got to the subway, his train was right there. We had no choice but to hurriedly kiss because missing the train is the worst. We will likely hang out again, so that’s promising.

In surrounding possibilities, my dear friend is trying to set me up with her friend’s brother. I basically know nothing about him, except that he has a brother; and I have provided three photos for my friend to share. Hopefully this email nudges her to pass me some intel so that he’s not the only one who gets to form fantastic assumptions based solely on appearance.

But really, the last thing I want right now is anyone anywhere near Cramp City. Goodbye!