I write this in bed, 3 hours after getting my IUD, just as my chocolate covered coffee bean begins to take effect.
To the people with female reproductive organs in the crowd who don’t already know this: it fucking hurts to get an IUD inserted. The worst of it is over pretty quick, but not as quick as you’d like. It was a new, shocking experience of nerve endings. And it’s kind of creepy to know that it’s because a choking-hazard size piece of plastic just took up residence in your uterus. But the moderate cramping that continues for the rest of the day will ensure you keep that bizarre reality top of mind. I can only say: I better have a LOT of (hopefully, good to great) sex over the next five years.
NOW FOR THE DATING UPDATES!
So far, I still have not run into Waffle at work yet. (Oh, did I mention the makeout boy from the dance floor is from Belgium? Hence…) But remember, we have each other’s number; we’re just equally not contacting them.
On Friday, I got drinks and dinner (but mostly drinks) with some friends before going to a bourbon tasting at a wine shop/liquor store. One of the assistants/pourers/but-like-still-part-of-the-drinking-and-discussing was pretty cute, but definitely young (though clearly old enough to drink, which is all that really matters). My friends drunkenly egged me on to talk to him at the end, and so I did. While I asked questions about alcohol, the other assistant/pourer/etc. joined in the conversation, and we all ended up talking about HQ Trivia. Kind of odd, but it gave me the opportunity to get their numbers (PLURAL even though I only really wanted one, but still a fun achievement) by inviting them to download/play (but mostly so I could get some extra lives). So yes, I have recently swapped numbers with two new male strangers. Am I going to do anything about that? Probably not.
Because I already had two first dates on the books:
On Saturday, I met a Hinge guy at the Brooklyn Museum for a 2pm date. Definitely not my preference, but at least it forced me to get some culture in. It was under two hours, and I knew it was a ‘no’ from minute 1.
On Monday, I met another Hinge guy at a bar, thank god, and it was pretty much lots of laughing from the very beginning. He’s a pianist from Arkansas, and we had first matched talking about……wait for it……recycling, of course! It was great fun and when we got to the subway, his train was right there. We had no choice but to hurriedly kiss because missing the train is the worst. We will likely hang out again, so that’s promising.
In surrounding possibilities, my dear friend is trying to set me up with her friend’s brother. I basically know nothing about him, except that he has a brother; and I have provided three photos for my friend to share. Hopefully this email nudges her to pass me some intel so that he’s not the only one who gets to form fantastic assumptions based solely on appearance.
But really, the last thing I want right now is anyone anywhere near Cramp City. Goodbye!