After almost having a third date, YoungerMan is out of the picture. It’s fine though, because I’m actually convinced he’s mentally ill to some degree (for reasons OTHER than not wanting to see me again ;)—which I can further explain if you really want to know, but it’s just long-winded and mostly based on my razor sharp intuition. Sorry for being ominous.).

In classic Em G style, I already have my sights set on another, and he may or may not be a client of Red Antler (not my direct client, though). Shhhhhh.

Aside from that, and a random, unassociated pair of Mitchells who have both asked me out, I’m taking a break from active husband-hunting to focus on work and hoard money for my upcoming move. Literally at the office right now, so back to business I go.


Harrison actually texted me again, I confronted him, and he was a complete dick. Glad that’s over, but also can’t believe I let a psychopath sleep in my bed.

Friday I had such a meh first date. The highlight was that he said I look like Kate Beckinsale—odd, but I’ll take it.

Saturday, I was with YoungerMan from 10:30am to 4:30pm. In that time, we went to brunch, walked around and sat in chairs at furniture stores, had coffee in Madison Square Park, went to the Museum of Sex, and hung out at his apartment for about 30 minutes. It was definitely a long day, and only at the end did I find out he was running on like 4 hours of sleep, but I somehow feel like I overstayed my welcome (I didn’t have plans till 8, he didn’t have plans till 11). I’m trying my best to stay optimistic, but it’s hard when that doesn’t completely align with your intuition. It also doesn’t help that he literally texted me constantly this past week. Regardless, I need to take a step back, slow my roll, and see what happens. In the words of Dion from Clueless, “Maybe he really was tired!”

Also, after about 8 months on the waitlist, I somehow just got into The League dating app. So, we’ll see if I end up marrying a banker from Harvard after all.


Saturday night at 3:40am, I received a missed call and two texts from Harrison, asking if I was up. I responded the next morning with a hearty “sure wasn’t!” and haven’t heard from him since. LOL. So clearly, our Monday evening date is not happening. I’m definitely starting to realize that Army dudes are crazy.

YoungerMan and I have tentative plans to see each other on Saturday. I’m hopeful and optimistic about him.


Army Spy has been deleted for good. Besides, he’s an Aries, so it never could have worked.

Thursday night: I went on a zero expectation Bumble date—as in, I agreed to go out with him after having zero conversation, which meant I had no idea what to expect. I was a little buzzed when I arrived from office happy hour, and he ended up being normal and talkative. He (let’s call him Harrison) seems smart and fun and “good.” We went to The Drink and then to Duck Duck and then to my apartment to smoke (terrible idea). He ended up spending the night, but LITERALLY nothing happened. We did not kiss at all, and when he tried to semi-cuddle as we went to bed, I said, “I think we need to sleep farther apart.” He scooted to the other side of the bed and respectfully did not come near me all night, due either to respect, passing out immediately, or both. We also did not kiss in the morning—ZERO PHYSICAL CONTACT.

Update: I’m creeping on Harrison on LinkedIn and it turns out he was in the Army……………… 1. What is this newfound fetish I apparently have? and/or why am I such a magnet? 2. Really wishing I hadn’t wasted the Army Spy nickname on the last guy, because this guy is even MORE spy-like. Damn, Harrison it is.

Another update: Harrison is very upfront, asking when he can see me again and what it is I’m looking for. It’s intense, but also extremely refreshing. We have plans to hang out on Monday, and I hope to get to the bottom of this Army stuff. I also hope he reminds me what we talked about during my inebriation.

Today: I have just now returned from a freezing cold but very fun date with a Bumble boy we shall call YoungerMan. First we got coffee, then we went to the Museum of Food and Drink, and then to Brooklyn Brewery. He’s super cute and funny and we had a great 4.5 hour date. We kissed goodbye and we want to see each other again.

As you can see, I’m 2 for 2 this week, which is both insane and uplifting. It should be noted that Harrison is 30 (oldest I’ve ever dated) and Younger Man is 24 (class of 2014, the same young year as my ex). I also had plans with another Bumble guy tonight, but I asked for a rain check due to the frigid weather. Tomorrow is V-day and I’m taking myself to see The Hateful Eight.