(^^^good memoir title, no?)
Long story short, I went out with a Manhattan douchebag from Beverly Hills on Saturday who’s never been to Brooklyn and who flaked on me the first time when we were in LA. All the warning signs were there, but I went out of curiosity to discover if his grandpa was in fact married to a recent Miss Universe winner (his seemingly serious response to a joke of mine). Nope, the trollop in the red dress on his profile was just his ex (one of many red flags). He was an entertaining person to witness, but I should have left as soon as politics came up so that I could have avoided what came next. The kiss wasn’t exactly consensual and I aborted (zing!) as fast as possible. At least he didn’t grab my pussy, right? But I know he was thinking about it because he invited me back to his apartment! I practically scoffed in denial but I think he found my snarkiness cute and sarcastic, when in fact I’d never been so sincere. No date has ever left such a bad taste in my mouth. EW EW EW EW EW!!!!!!
On Sunday, I cleansed myself of every woman’s nightmare by getting brunch with a cute, tall, high quality human from Astoria. I was even my true hippie self on this date, using my own cloth napkin at the restaurant because they only offered paper. He didn’t run away screaming, and we talked about how I felt guilty drinking from the plastic cup. I even told him about my appalling Saturday night — thankfully, he was appalled as well. We ate, went to a bar for beer, and it was all very enjoyable; though I can’t shake the feeling that I was at my most awkward. I told him I’d like to see him again, and he politely agreed, but we’ll see what happens.
After Pie Boy and my cloth napkin date, I realized I’ve probably been pretty superficial on most dates, not letting any of these men get to know who I actually am. So, in this new year, I’m going to try to be better about being as honest and forthcoming as possible, not caring if it makes me seem undesirable. Watch out, boys!
P.S. Trump Supporter didn’t drink on our date because he was finishing up antibiotics for a sinus infection. I know how antibiotics work and he shouldn’t have been contagious at that point, and yet I feel a cold coming on. Did he infect me with his misogyny?? Are Trump supporters actually as diseased as we think they are?? BLECH!
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